She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just had sex bonerless
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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