its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
