I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I AM VODKA MAN
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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