Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
