pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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