yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
