Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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