so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
