So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
