I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
