I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
