haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've blown a few things in my day
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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