Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
