Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
