so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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