She is in my trunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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