you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
