My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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