Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
