i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
