I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your cock deserves a montage
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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