I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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