I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
