Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
