At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
