just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
