Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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