Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is it because I queefed?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
