After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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