She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
