Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We talked him into tasing himself.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
