to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
