in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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