I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
handjob tips. give me some.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my poor anus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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