I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
