so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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