real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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