Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
