Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
