A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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