you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
