If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
