when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
