She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
