this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
