I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sober January is a disaster.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
