Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
