i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
