is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
