fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
